Sunday, January 25, 2009

Pornfeld

For some reason I have always been fascinated by scenes in movies or TV shows that take place in video stores. Maybe it was my years of toiling away making a minimal wage at a video store, or just my love of movie box art but I've gotten quite good at recognizing movie covers from far away. So whenever I am watching something I love trying to spot as many movies as I can whenever a video store scene comes up.

The other day I was watching the Smelly Car episode of Seinfeld. In this episode George is returning a copy of fictional erotic masterpiece Rochelle Rochelle to the video store I've seen this episode (and most of them, actually) at least half a dozen times so I'm not even paying attention to the dialog. I'm in full cover box searching mode during this whole scene. I spot classics like Cobra and The Hunger. Then I see the cover for the great Raising Arizona. I look slightly to the left and find this gem:

Pumping Irene in all of it's big box glory, one of the great workout themed pornos of 1986. In my store we couldn't even put our Maxim magazines on the shelf with the cover facing out for fear of children being exposed to airbrushed cleavage, but this store has their hardcore porn titles right there, not 3 feet from The Sound of Music and The Golden Child.

Some good movies to do some cover box spotting with:

Be Kind Rewind
Boy Eats Girl
Clerks
Diconnected
Fisher King
Hide and Creep
I Am Legend
Jersey Girl (Most unorganized movie video store ever. Just throw those anywhere Liv.)
The Lost Boys
Orgazmo
Psychos in Love
Serial Mom
Video Violence

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Turkish Delights

Today I am taking a look at a few of my favorite Turkish movie posters for American horror films.
Pumpkinhead - Yes, seriously, this is a Pumpkinhead poster. Black gloved hand wielding a straight razor, and a woman screaming as some weird sideways orange fish type creature bursts from within her skull. Vengeful demon, dirt biked hooligans, and Lance are nowhere to be seen.

Not a bad poster, mind you - drop the fish looking thing and it's pretty spectacular actually - but a worse poster for Pumpkinhead I dare you to find. Clearly not originally intended for the film Pumpkinhead, it's kind of like a compilation poster; one part Tenebre, one part Lizard In A Woman's Skin, one part Island of the Fishmen.

I've seen the standard issue Jaws poster with the girl swimming while Bruce approaches from below so many times it's completely lost all impact. I'd never seen this poster design before and I think I actually almost prefer it over the more common design.

Cat People
Another fantastic Carrie poster, other countries just kick ass a making posters for Carrie.

Sadly I haven't found many cool Turkish posters, so that's all I've got for now. I have some slasherific and zombietastic Lobby Cards lined up for the next time I post, so be sure to stop back by and check those out.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Critter Handpuppet


Possibly the best Handpuppet in the history of Handpuppets.

Eye'll Buy That For A Dollar


Yet another thing I really wanted during my Fangoria obsessed childhood. I have no huge desire to own one of these now, not quite sure why I would've wanted one in the first place. Probably good I didn't request one as a gift. I'm certain I would've lost a $40 glass eyeball within the first 12 minutes of ownership.

What's with the blue chick? Is an ad featuring a bunch of eyeball keychains not odd enough on it's own that we have to Blue some poor woman's hand for the ad?

Macabre Movie Poster Madness - Meatloaf Monday

Today I would like to honor the man - the legend really - Marvin "Meat Loaf" Aday. Meat, or Loaf as his friends often call him. Even if you're not a fan of the man's music he's a hard dude not to like. He seems like a genuinely good dude, and that's respectable in a day and age so overrun with complete and total bastards.

I wanted to show some posters from his films, but it turns out Roadie, Rocky Horror and Fight Club are the only movies he's been in that have quality posters (and really, Fight Club doesn't have a ton to choose from), so this will be a pretty short showcase. Nevertheless, the post must go on.

Roadie - One of my $3 Big Lots DVDs I posted about, Roadie is easily worth $6. Seriously though, it's a really fun movie featuring Alice Cooper and a scene where Loaf pretty much drunken boxes some dudes.

Roadie - Spanish poster. Spanish title: Los Locos Caminos del Rock. Spanish Meatloaf: Pan de carne


Possible the coolest Rocky Horror poster ever made.
Okay, I take that back.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Macabre Movie Poster Madness - Tromatically Tantalizing

Troma. Purveyors of the Perverse. Bastions of Bad Taste.... I could go on, but you see where I'm heading.

Today, I've got a set of posters from some of the lesser known Troma productions. Everyone has seen Toxic Avenger or Nuke 'Em High posters a thousand times, but Invasion of the Space Preachers? I'd never heard of that one until I stumbled upon the poster.

The First Turn-On! One of Troma's early, pre-Toxic sex comedies. They made four of them in a row and each of them had unnecessary excalaimation points in their titles (the others being Squeeze Play!, Waitress! and Stuck On You!).

Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell. One of the more unlikey movies to have the title actually spoken by one of the characters in the movie. I don't mean someone is speaking the title as it comes up on screen, I mean a character actually says "Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell" at some point in the movie. What are the odds?
Invasion of the Space Preachers. This poster has it all. A reptilian alien preacher, a hot chick in her undies holding a huge gun, a frightened hawaiian-shirted spazz, and a slightly less frightened spazz in a long sleeve dress shirt and shorts.
Splatter University. This is one of the few easy to find 80's slasher movies I haven't seen. It's a cool poster, but I've heard from dozens of sources that it's just not worth watching. Of course I heard the same thing about Killer Workout, and I loved that one, so maybe I'll give Splatter U a go some time.
When Nature Calls. I like this one, a fun early National Lampoon-style Gone With The Wind spoof poster. I've actually seen this, but it was probably 10 years ago. To sum up what I remember from the movie:
Tuna Cans that play music
A teenage girl making it with a bear.

Personally, I'm not a big Troma fan. I've always liked the stuff they distribute, such as Cannibal! The Musical or Monster In The Closet more than the stuff they actually produce. That said, I did really enjoy Poultrygeist, so maybe they're finally starting to get better at making films after 35 years.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Macabre Movie Poster Madness - When Giant Shit Attacks!

A lot of filmmakers, at one point or another, seem to get a wild hair up their ass and think "You know what this picture needs? Something giant, attacking shit." As a tribute to a few of these filmmakers, we're going to take a look at some posters from some of the finest the Giantsploitation genre has to offer. 4 of these have appeared on some very fine episodes Mystery Science Theater. One of which can be found here.

The Giant Spider Invasion - Rebane wishes his spiders looked like that in the movie. Actually, so do I, that's a pretty awesome looking scene they've got going on there. You'd really assume you were in for a pretty thrilling ride if the poster was all you had to go on.
The Giant Leeches - The least frightening thing to be attacked by on this list. Save for anyone suffering from Bdellophobia. You'd really have to be not paying attention to be killed by a giant leech. Frankly, I think you'd kinda deserve it if you let it happen.
The Giant Gila Monster - Working title: The Forced Perspective, Regular Size Gila Monster. This one is actually double terrifying because it has both "Giant" and "Monster" in the title. Remember kids, it's pronounced like "HEE-la". Don't say it like it's spelled, people will laugh. Trust me.

The Giant Claw - The movie monster so bad the film's star sneaked out of the premiere for fear of being recognized. Me, I think he's pretty cute, reminds me of Sloth from the Goonies:


Village of the Giants - The worst kind of giants - Hippies.

These creatures are nothing but pure, motorized instinct.


Georgie Romero is still cranking Living Dead films out after 40 years. His latest, simply titled ...Of The Dead (they've finally run out of times of the day to use) is coming out soon, so the Bastard is going to take a look at some art for George's most popular film Dawn of the Dead.





This poster features one of the film's most popular zombies. I've made this guy (real name Lenny Lies) sort of the unofficial mascot for The Manchester Morgue. He looks so much like a drunk college guy screwing around on Halloween in this image that it's hard not to love him.



French poster

This is a German poster. I personally find it a bit on the ugly side, but it's definitely the most unusual DOTD poster I've ever come across.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Macabre Movie Poster Madness - Draculized

After 352 days or so, I've decided to try and resuscitate Space Bastard. This poor site has just been laying dormant, waiting for it's time to return. And now seems as good a time as any. I'll probably just use this for movie poster or DVD cover posting purposes for now, but we'll see where it goes from there. Right now I've got a lot of posters I want to put up but I don't want Manchester Morgue to be too overrun with posts of posters.

So here we go. According to the IMDB, there are over a dozen movies called Dracula and 156 movies with the name Dracula in the title. Then, you have to factor in the Dracula spin-off titles, Blacula, Deafula, Rockula, Count Dukula, Count Chocula.... If you ask me, that's too much Dracula. But questioning the need for nearly 200 movies with Dracula in the title is not the purpose of this post. The purpose, you ask? To showcase some of the more unusual and badass pieces of artwork used to advertise these films.

Jack Freakin' Palance (real name: Volodymyr Palanyuk) as The Count squares off against Nigel Freakin' Davenport's Van Helsing in Don Curtis' 1973 STTV (Straight to TV) film.
Franz Josef Gottlieb's 1978 (presumably erotic) Lady Dracula. I've never caught this one before, but it stars Evelyne Kraft (the super hot Ah Wei from The Mighty Peking Man) so how bad could it be?
This is actually an alternate title for The Satanic Rites of Dracula. Not nearly as cool as the Japanese poster I posted on the Morgue recently, but I still rather enjoy it. As cool as the posters for this movie can be, it's sure had a poor DVD Cover history.
1974's Vampira, also known as Old Drac, or Old Dracula for long, this film features David Niven of Pink Panther fame as Dracula in his Twilight Years.
Andy Warhol's Dracula - Young Dracula is one the many alternate titles the film is known under.
And another Andy Warhol's Dracula. Less wacky, more whacked-out-on-acid-ey.
Son of Dracula - The first Rock'n'Roll Dracula movie, or the so the tagline says. Son was directed by Oscar-winning Cinematographer Freddie Francis who directed Dracula Has Risen From The Grave 6 years earlier.
Dracula's Dog, or the much better sounding Zoltan, Hound of Dracula was unleashed (zing!) on audiences in 1978 by director Albert Band. Band also directed the acclaimed I Bury The Living seven years after son, and future doll obsessed filmmaker Charles Band was born.
This last one shows what happens the world's most famous vampire falls on hard times and has to go Blue. And like many, many prurient thespians of the era the D-man is sporting a pretty respectable white-guy fro on the poster. (This fro is not actually in the film, as funny as it would've been.)

Good God, I just realized almost every single one of these was made in the 1970's. What are the odds? Astronomical? I think so.

Anyway, stay tuned next time for a look at the art of Dawn of the Dead.