Saturday, December 29, 2007

Our T-Shirts Are A Scream!

I've got a decent amount of older Fangoria issues, and this little ad here always seems to show up.
I've seen this in probably a dozen issues and it still cracks me up to this day. It's bad enough that he's got the shirt tucked, but can someone explain the hat to me? How ugly was the top part of this guy's head that they thought that hat looked better? What's even worse is that there appears to be a shadow behind the hat, but not behind the guy, so it looks like the hat is way too big and lop-sided. Either that or they just painted it on there afterwards.

And now, a dramatization of the discussion about the hat by the Screamin' T-Shirts photographer and his assistant.

First Screamin' T-Shirts Guy: You know what this model needs? A hat.
Second Screamin' T-Shirst Guy: What, you mean like maybe a cool Fangoria baseball cap that we can also try and sell in the ad?
First Screamin' T-Shirts Guy: Fuck that, bring me a fedora!

Note: I'm not sure that's even a fedora, I'm not very well versed in hat identification.

Television Bank - Only $1.98!

I'm not even quite certain what this thing is, some sort of glorified television-like View-Master bank? According to the ad you can use this thing to extort money from friends, family and chance visitors (Mormons?) by amazing them with its "miraculous" battery powered glow.

I'm still stuck on the part that says "costliest", I know that's an actual word, but it's gotta be the most misspelled looking word I've ever seen. Because of this ad I will now start referring to action films as "Zowies", I suggest you all do the same.

Be The First Kid on Your Block with the New Hitler Stamp!

Here's a bit of an odd ad I came across. 235 stamps for free (but actually $1) sure seems like a good deal to me. You get the United Nations, hey, they're good. Madagascar, sure why not. And who doesn't like Djibouti? And directly next (well next to and up) to Djibouti? The Hitler, looking ominously off slightly to the right. It's getting harder to find all the time apparently. It's a shame Nanoo here didn't decide to follow through and get their free stamps, it is the most fascinating of all hobbies, after all. Probably why they're going "like hotcakes".

Thursday, December 27, 2007

The Bloodening

Here's a quadruple feature of blood-soaked madness, or something. Actually, I guess it's a quintuple feature really, if you count Vampire People on the Brain of Blood poster.

Blood Bath (1966) - Directed by Jack Hill

Brain of Blood (1972) - Directed by Al Adamson

Blood Lust/Blood Mania Double Feature (1970)

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Gamera is the friend of all children!

Here are some fantastic Gamera posters. I always get a kick out of these, even though it's always the same basic design with these Kaiju posters. Giant monsters attempting to kill one another (or a train), destroyed city in the background (usually in flames), screaming Japanese people running for their lives and/or looking shocked and amazed at the bottom of the poster. I've love to get my hands on a couple of these, you know if I had money to throw around.

Daikaijû Gamera (The Giant Monster Gamera 1965)

Gamera tai daiakuju Giron (Gamera vs. Guiron 1969)

Gamera tai Daimaju Jaiga (Gamera vs. Jiger 1970)
With Japanese Buddy Holly!
Gamera tai Shinkai kaijû Jigura (Gamera vs. the Deep Sea Monster Zigra 1971)

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out

Well, Christmas officially ended roughly 24 minutes ago. Pretty much a regular day for me really, only it ended up being a day which consisted of me watching a good 5 hours worth of A Christmas Story during TBS' 24-Hour single movie marathon. At one point during this marathon I was looking at some old comics and was amazed by the amount of BB/pellet gun advertisements. While not as common as the Charles Atlas "Hey Skinny"s (and what could be?) they did appear pretty frequently. So inspired by Ralphie's desperate attempts to get his hands on a Red Ryder 200-shot Carbine Action Range Model BB Gun, here's a look at some classic BB/Pellet gun marketing.

I love the expression of the kid on the ground in this last one. He's just got the creepiest look on his face. This child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... well you get where I'm going with this. Yikes.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Become An Astonishing He-Man - Part One

For my first post here I thought I'd go with a few classic scrawny nerd turned giant meathead ads. You literally can't pick up a comic from the 50's or 60's without finding one of these Charles Atlas (or Charles Atlas-esque guy) muscle building ads. I've noticed that most of these ads use the phrase "He-Man" a lot. Not sure what that's about, but it's a little weird.

Everlasting Strength and Health must be one hell of a book. Seeing how the people in the before and after pictures are all wearing the same clothes it seems to suggest that massive bulking up is achievable in the span of a single afternoon. At least he doesn't look like a sickly Don Knotts anymore.

"WITH ONE hand I can now lift overhead a boy weighing 145 pounds." Is that really a very useful skill? Boy lifting? I can't imagine a time another human being would need to be lifted over your head. Also, is it just me or is this ad kind of a dick? Calling people "skinny wrecks" while George F. Jowett gives us the international "jerkoff" hand gesture.

And we end with an example of some early Photoshop airbrushing type work (known as Photoshoppe back then). They just slapped this kids head and questionably long neck on some big shiny, oddly proportioned body builder's body. At least the top half of the body, the legs and buldgeless crotch actually look rather feminine.

Well, that's it for now. It all seems a bit homoerotic doesn't it? Just remember, if you're huge and able to kick the ass of other huge men, women will have sex with you.

Welcome to Space Bastard!

Phelpster here, proprietor of the critically acclaimed* Manchester Morgue. As a big fan of hilarious old ads from decades past and an even bigger fan of horror and science fiction movie posters (also from decades past), I've accumulated quite a bit of ads and posters in digitally scanned form. So I started this new site to showcase some of these ads and movie posters (with optional commentary) for people out there who share my fascination with them.

The site was originally called Midget Encyclopedia, which came from a stamp collecting ad I found in an old EC comic. A mini-encyclopedia to hold the 325 stamps this particular company was offering for just 25 Cents. I found it to have a very "blog name" sound to it, so I used it. But then I figured it might offend someone somewhere so I changed it to Space Bastard! which is of course a Back to the Future reference, if you didn't know.

*I have no proof to back up this claim.